Sleeping Beauty

I'm tired!  No, really, I am T.I.R.E.D! I diagnosed myself with the help of WebMd (don't tell Kris, I'm banned from that site!!) and other sources with Chronic Fatigue.  My doctor believes its only a reoccurring virus of some sort and a coincidence that I get it 3, 4, 5 times a year or more.  Coincidence?  I don't do coincidence.  You know the saying, "If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck....it must be a duck"...well, I'm a quackin' because put it all together, its Chronic Fatigue in all capital letters.

"Tired?  Take a nap for cryin' out loud!" Is that what you're thinking?  This overwhelming fatigue is beyond not getting 8 hours or more of beauty sleep or the tired after a long, hard days work.  CF, in my experience, is like being injected with a sedative.  My body feels heavy, like I'm trudging around in cement shoes, my face and eyes feel swollen, and sleep is a constant, nagging thought.  A bed of nails, a nest of cobras......it doesn't matter where.....my body screams for sleep! 

I nicknamed CF with a better name, "The Sleeping Beauty Syndrome."  I remember a few years back I lost the whole month of February!  Homeschool was put on hold while I lay unconscious, oblivious to the world around me and believe me, I resembled nothing of Sleeping Beauty!  My slumbering attire wasn't an evening gown but a baggy sweatshirt and sweats, my blond hair didn't spill beautifully curled over my shoulders, it was more like a frizzy, matted nest; bed-head fashion at its best!  A kiss from my prince charming husband couldn't even bring me back to life!   With blinking, long, fluttering lashes, Sleeping Beauty's bright, blue eyes sparkled at her prince.  Receiving only a one-eyed greeting, my husband could only catch a brief glimpse of a blue, glassy, blood shot eye before it to returned back behind its heavy, black curtain of sleep.

A better name would be "The Zombie Curse."  When I could drag myself out of bed, it would only be to stagger from bed to couch to chair.   Emerging from my dark cave would bring excited chatter from my neglected family but the only uttering they would get in return from this Zombie Mom would be communications in grunts and mumbles.  With "The Zombie Curse", my personality shuts down; a smile takes to much energy, my singing comes to a halt, and growls more than giggles emerge from my lips.  The worse part of the "The Sleeping Beauty Disease", or "The Zombie Curse" is that I never know how long its going to last.  Days? Weeks?? Months???  As the Curse drags on, frustration usually prevails.  I feel like a Zombie Slacker; lazy, annoyed and just plain tired of feeling tired!

So, how do we deal with illness when it seems to stretch on and on?  For me, I am fortunate I have a supportive family.  My husband, who wears many hats here at home (shrink and doctor are just a few), who also has CF, brings out his invisible prescription pad and starts listing instructions.  My kids pitch in and fill in the gaps where my illness creates the void. I am so thankful the Lord has placed these special "nurses" in my life! 

Family can help deal with the physical aspect of CF but how do we deal with the emotional aspect; the feelings of laziness and worthlessness?  Meditating on God's word whenever possible is important.  I think back to my life's verse, Jeremiah 29:11" For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Other bible versions use the word "plan" in place of thoughts.  If having CF is in God's plan for me, who am I to argue with the Master and Creator of......me? With CF, and in other areas of my life, I am learning to take each day, moment by moment.  In Matthew 6:33 we are told no to worry about tomorrow.  Today holds enough challenges to bring another day into the mix! 

Prayer is another important aspect when struggling through illness.  In the middle of CF, sometimes the only prayer I have enough energy for is, "Lord, please give me strength for today!" The Lord promises that He will give power to the faint (Isaiah 40:29) and that His strength is made perfect in weakness (II Chor. 12 :9).  When CF hits, and my physical power is gone,  I lean on my Savior for His perfect strength to help carry me through.

As I struggle through this bout with "Sleeping Beauty Syndrome", one of my mom's favorite quotes comes to mind, "This too shall pass", and I know it will, in the Lord's perfect time.  CF is part of the Lord's plan for me and until the veil of slumber is lifted, I will be content.  Each day, sleep beckons me and its pull becomes stronger and stronger.   As my lids close I see my Saviors face, learning today's lesson from Home that the Lord wants me, for today, to rest in His arms.